First Steps

Exploring the world through caring thoughts, the freedoms of guilt free emotions, and looking at the world through the eyes of someone elses perspective seeking to enhance and set free your soul by opening your heart and mind


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NEW TO LOOK OLD

 

I’m blown away at the amount of Chabby Chic that’s out there these days. It gorgeous yes. I love it, yes YES!!! However,  I do wonder why people charge so much when there are sites such as PINTREST, or even GOOGLE to answer any of your questions, needs or even desires on “how to’s” As a photographer and hobby blogger, I noticed that people aren’t saying anything…or maybe I’m just not hearing it.

Now, I’m like every other person out there….I wanna shop smart and be thrifty. There is a difference…NOT cheap!!! The way I figure it, if I can make it, I will. Chances are that I can, I usually will look at something and go home and make it better….Wayyyyyy Better!!! Why pay high prices for something when you can spec it to yourself. I fill my Pintrest acct with lots of hacks for women and people that may or may not be on a budget or like me….simply are addicted and loving bargain hunting to make something out of nothing!!! For all the ” Do it yourselfers”, Upcyclers, Recyclers, Homemakers, or just your average JOE…( no pun intended to any JOE”S out there) I say have fun, if you can do it…DO IT!!!

There are ways to make your own Chalk Paint, and craft fairs that wanna charge you ridiculous prices to come for a class. If you wanna do it….do it. Me personally, I wanna take pride in knowing that I customed made something on my own without help. I do take pride in that. I frequent the Thrift Shops, and the Antique stores or malls, and look for the objects that speak out to me to take them home and give them new life….I try to come up with something useful and one of a kind to do or use it for. Most times I do.
I guess that the cool thing…nobody has my things…no copies, mine are all originals!!

I got frustrated when I went to a tore to find out that they take new things and made them look old and sold them at old prices. Lets clear the air here….just because something looks old….doesn’t mean it IS old….and you shouldn’t pay OLD prices!!! I do it all the time. I enjoy working and being crafty when my health allows it and “antiquing ” an object. Its fun….but the reality is, stop paying full price for something you can do on your own!!! We all have skills….we all can do a hobby!!! Get out there and find yours!!!!  Leave your pocket book at home….save your dough, use your cash to buy supplies for yourself and quit giving to those over priced stores!!! Make your one of a kind treasure! You’ll be glad you did!!!

Your worth it!!!

 

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EAT, Drink, and BE WELL my Friends!!!

Cheers!!

G- Parkhurst

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The Stresses of a Womans World

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As a child growing up, I can remember holidays coming and going. The women in the kitchen while the men sat quietly awaiting their feast as the women cackled and talked in the kitchen slaving away. The men’s stomachs rumbling and the kids noisily played racing around the house and screaming at one another about politics or the current game on television.  I can recall the sweat on my grandmothers brow as she barked orders to my aunts and mother on the next much needed item or chore needing to be done.

Sometimes I recall those memories and I think to myself how incredible it was that these women had taken time in their busy schedules to make all this happen. My mother- a hard working woman that was a tom boy in her day until she passed, and could run a chainsaw better then most men, and never stopped working or took a break. She was always busy and believed that if there was light that there was no reason to waste time in a day, it meant “something” could be getting done and NOT to waste that opportunity.

My mother, much like my grandmothers seemed to NEVER take sick. If they were, they sucked it up and never let it get them down, or put on a show of helplessness to attract attention or gain sympathy from others. They kept trudging wearily along and finished their chores and finished their duties that were required of them. They took care of their families, husbands, their children too, then they made dinner and checked homework….cleaning up afterwards. NEVER  not once complaining about their jobs, or what was asked of them,  nor breaking down in tears or emotional distress in front of us at any time ( it was a secret or happened behind locked doors) or complaining they were to sick to “DO” anything.

They ALWAYS made time, even when it felt as though there wasn’t any…they made it happen!!

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Mt Adams

 

 

 

 

grandkids, Mt Adams trip 131

 

Reflections arent always what you see…..sometimes, when your looking you see what you ONLY choose to see. Everything has a form of beauty in it…..look past outward appearances, and find what draws you in. You may be surprised at what you find.


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Jewels on a necklace

Jewels on a necklace
cut differently, you and I
all attached one way or another on a strand,
in life just touching one another briefly,
as we stroll through our lives journeys individually.
– G.Parkhurst

Thought for the day…….
Where does brilliance come from?
The body, or mind?
Heart or soul?
In which direction does it flow?
Lastly, just how bright do you shine to others?

 

It has been some months now that I have unplugged, and for good reason. It has been a bumpy ride, and I have found myself doing more soul searching. These last few months have left me in more emotional anguish, jobless, and in pain then I care to share. However, it has taught me one thing, that being that we are ALL invaluable. Some of us have never tasted the feelings of self worthlessness, some have. In any case, I have to say that no matter who you are, what background you came from, there IS purpose. What that purpose is, Im not entirely sure. Thats what your own journey decides in life. That will be another day. To be honest, I wasnt sure just how many people I have touched, and often wondered, should I stop blogging or sharing all together?? With that said, I will continue to share my thoughts on life, abuse, and emotional baggage as I have done in the past. I will also gladly continue posting my pictures everytime I blog just to  keep you all in high spirits. If you choose not to read my posts Im ok with that…..however, you may find yourself one day thinking back on something that I’ve shared that may have touched you in one way or another…..at least, thats what Im aiming for! Im not looking to become famous, or rich….just to be honest, and share in life journeys what may help someone, somewhere along the line in how to be more loving, positive, and cope more productively instead of just being numb and self destructing or simply on auto pilot going through life feeling no purpose. Im here, always have been…your not alone…never will be. You are loved….and you will always have a friend in me.

I wish for you during this time of seasonal change, the harvesting of a new spirit. Inner sanctum and peace, a place in your soul that you may tap into to get comfortable within your skin, and reclaim you and your life. Health and prosperity, love, and a kindred heart. Live life everyday with no regrets and love entirely, never give up, and dont hold back. Explore your mind, spirit, and soul with all you have….learn to put yourself first.

Until next blogcast…..Be well my lovelies….be well!


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Empty Heart & Broken Bottles

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emp·ty
ˈem(p)tē/
adjective
  1. containing nothing; not filled or occupied.
    “he took his empty coffee cup back to the counter”

    vacant
    unoccupieduninhabited, untenanted,baredesolatedesertedabandonedMore
“his answer sounded a little empty”
(of words or a gesture) lacking meaning or sincerity.
remove all the contents of (a container).
“we empty the cash register each night at closing time”

unload
unpackvoid;

The modern disease theory of alcoholism states that problem drinking is sometimes caused by a disease of the brain, characterized by altered brain structure and function. The American Medical Association (AMA) had declared that alcoholism was an illness in 1956. In 1991, The AMA further endorsed the dual classification of alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections.

Alcoholism is a chronic problem. However, if managed properly, damage to the brain can be stopped and to some extent reversed.  In addition to problem drinking, the disease is characterized by symptoms including an impaired control over alcohol, compulsive thoughts about alcohol, and distorted thinking. Alcoholism can also lead indirectly, through excess consumption, to physical dependence on alcohol, and diseases such as cirrhosis of the liver.

The risk of developing alcoholism depends on many factors, such as environment. Those with a family history of alcoholism are more likely to develop it themselves; however, many individuals have developed alcoholism without a family history of the disease.[citation needed] Since the consumption of alcohol is necessary to develop alcoholism, the availability of and attitudes towards alcohol in an individual’s environment affect their likelihood of developing the disease. Current evidence indicates that in both men and women, alcoholism is 50–60% genetically determined, leaving 40-50% for environmental influences. – Wikipedia

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.

“In 1976, the writer Ivan Illich warned in the book, Limits to Medicine, that ‘the medical establishment has become a major threat to health’. At the time, he was dismissed as a maverick, but a quarter of a century later, even the medical establishment is prepared to admit that he may well be right. (Anthony Browne, April 14, 2002, the Observer)”

History and science have shown us that the existence of the disease of alcoholism is pure speculation. Just saying alcoholism is a disease, doesn’t make it true. Nevertheless, medical professionals and American culture enthusiastically embraced the disease concept and quickly applied it to every possible behavior from alcohol abuse to compulsive lecturing and nail biting. The disease concept was a panacea for many failing medical institutions and pharmaceutical companies, adding billions of dollars to the industry and leading to a prompt evolution of pop-psychology. Research has shown that alcoholism is a choice, not a disease, and stripping alcohol abusers of their choice, by applying the disease concept, is a threat to the health of the individual.

The disease concept oozes into every crevice of our society perpetuating harmful misinformation that hurts the very people it was intended to help. Remarkably, the assumptions of a few were accepted as fact by the medical profession, devoid of any scientific study or supporting evidence. And soon after, the disease concept was accepted by the general public. With this said, visiting the history of the disease concept gives us all a better understanding of how and why all of this happened. – Bladwin Research Institute

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The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.

(one brief account)

The phone rang. it wouldn’t stop! I could hear her voice again.No doubt she was totally inebriated and drunk off her ass! I was nervously biting my fingernails. I didn’t wanna pick up. Why was she calling me again? What did I do this time? What could or would I be blamed for? How come almost every damn time she drank I was the punching bag and tons of shit went wrong? Was I really to blame? I could somehow always see it coming…her wrath…the force that came with it..so cruel in nature. Unlike any beatings I ever sustained. The physical scars and marks always seemed to fade…but not these ones. They cut deeper then any knife. The pain was at times unbearable…and I lived in fear of it. I hated that person. I hated the drunkard mother I had. I was ashamed and embarrassed of her. I was upset that I couldn’t even have a glass of wine in my own home for fear of her behavior and reactions. Besides, most times she came to visit she was already plastered and treated me like shit! The thing was that misery loves company…she always had a negative way of impacting and ruining everyone elses time if “she” wasnt happy. It was like a switch got turned on and off….one minute one person..then BAM!!! Watch out..walk on egg shells and watch your back….total and complete bullshit! But, it was my mother. Somehow there was this imaginary sign for her and all the bad people in my life that said “Im the punching bag so beat me up and push me down!” Some days unknowingly it was all my fault. The reasons were and still are unclear. However, alcoholics have their own agendas and your simply in their fucking way! Your just collateral damage…so dont try and stop them from what it is they desire. Not you or anyone can change that, as much as  you might want to. By now, you might have figured that she was an angry drunk. Yes. I want to point out that it doesnt matter …happy or mad….an alcoholic is an alcoholic!! If you tried to reach her before 10 am and got lucky…you talked to her. If you gambled and took the chance to speak to her after 10 well…chances were that she would forget the conversation the next day….accuse you of lying…a fight would almost always ensue, and you would experience some form of abuse and or pain to along with it. After 10 she was lost, drowning herself and her lifes problems at the end of a Vodka bottle. Given the opportunity and many awareness conversations…she decided that it was easier to admit to being an alcoholic then to avoid it and thought that solved the problem but continued drinking. It shattered relationships and our family. I firmly believe that if she had not been drinking that I possibly would of been helped of saved on many occasions. I would have gladly dealt with her alone and her abusive rages then to have piled on top the other messes! She was a strong woman in most cases. In many situations, the person thats doing the harm is strong indeed but weak when it comes to taking care of them selves. Some how they have fallen so deeply into the sess pool of self destruction and loathing that they go blindly around acting if nobody sees them or knows what the hell they are doing. As if they acknowledge it, it makes it ok. Or if they ignore it altogether that your dumb enough to think that they are perfectly fine. What a crock of crap!!! I had a grandfather, aunts, and my childrens father all that drank. To them there is nothing left. Whatever pians and sorrows they have are much more important and stand out and apart from your needs. It will always be that way, until they decide to fix it.  Its a choice that to be made by them. Not on their behalf. You or I cant fix it no matter the cost.Its a war thats to be waged by them against whatever demons they have. They must heal on their own. Your best bet is to leave it to them. Its not your fight. Being supportive is one thing, but do not jump in and try to take over and rule, criticize, or judge. Its a choice…they made it. The consequences and sequences are theirs and theirs alone,. Alcohol is nasty. Its evil and selfish to the core. It robs you of a life and that persons health…destroys everything in its path and really doesnt care. It has no feeling and no remorse. Again, you are an innocent bystander! Dont feel sorry for those that make these choices. Dont be intimidated by the public that this is an epidemic and you should remain the victim here. Thats not so. Everyone has a choice.

Informative decisions are made everyday by countless people. Murphy’s Law states:  “For every action there is a complete and opposite reaction.”  If you make the wrong choice you pay the consequences. Thats how we learn. A baby for example will only touch a burner once before never doing it again. If it does…it gets burned. The burn is the consequence for the action and decision that it made.  Why must a victim remain the victim from the abuse thats endured from an alcoholic. Its not the person you know. Its a monster inside….no ultimatums can be made…no negotiating. It never works. The choices are up to you on who you allow to hurt you. again, Murphy’s Law. If you choose to allow to be treated as a punching bag…then you will eventually get hit. Dont allow your thinking or those around you to inform you that your job is to stand by and allow that to happen. Save yourself. Leave the tools for that person and heal yourself! Find the resources out there to help educate and learn that you are not alone. Your heart has been battered to many times…by now its a void of emptiness….your numb yourself….dont fall into the slump where you think you have to stay and live life this way. Dont walk on broken bottles …..
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http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/understanding-alcohol-abuse-symptoms

http://www.ask.com/question/what-are-physical-symptoms-of-alcohol-abuse?ad=semD&an=google_s&am=broad&ap=google.com&o=102523

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcoholism/basics/symptoms/con-20020866

http://www.activebeat.com/your-health/10-signs-of-alcohol-abuse-when-drinking-becomes-a-problem/

http://www.ncadd.org/index.php/learn-about-alcohol/alcohol-abuse-self-test

Here are some resources to help educate you and the awareness of it.

Added note: As I sit here and reread this aloud to my husband…I get choked up, as if I am reliving this account…the pain is still so very real and feels still new….my mother has passed it will be 2 years this coming Oct. I still have hard days…and will have many more like them. I made my choice…..and it has made me a stronger wiser person. I loved my mother….but in her own words…she never loved me.  Its important for you to know that.

Know that in all things life is possible…and your NOT alone! We are all in this fight together…and if I can be of any help to anyone please dont hesitate to ask. I will be a voice and advocate for those that struggle with abuse on any level….I have been through it all!

May you find inner peace today and harmony. Take a moment and get in tune with your surroundings. Breath in and listen to your inner voice and let it be your guide. May your heart always have strength and courage, may it be filled with hope and joy…and my the light never go out! Much love . ❤


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The Fundamentals of Baggage Claim

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What’s in your wallet? Or purse? No. Not the Capital One Commercial question.

What are you carrying around with you? If you were to dump out the contents of your purse of wallet, what would you find? Are all the items worth keeping? Do they have uses, or have you gotten so comfortable with carrying them unnecessarily around, that you have simply forgotten that they are merely there? Is it possible that you hold on to those items that just in the chance you “might” need it? Do you struggle to let them go?

The big question you find yourself asking is;

” Why am I still holding onto and carrying these items?”

(One account)

Beaten,battered, and bruised, cowering on the bedroom floor barricaded in with a nightstand and my feet planted as hard as I could. I gripped my two small children in terror. Fear pulsing in my veins, shaken and trembling. I sat listening to the police invade my home destroying it and its contents, searching no doubt for the bastard that had just beaten me in front of my children. His children. We were all huddled together, I nothing more then a mere child of just 18 at the time with my 2 small kids. Afraid,and confused. They brought the dogs this time. He had more warrants and this time, he was hiding like the coward that he was, trying to tuck himself into the space underneath the stairs. They would get him…and they did!! They let the dogs do the hard work this time…sniffing him like the looser he was! I was so angry and yet petrified at the same time. Time seemed to change in an instant. His mood always did when he was coming down off a high, and/or alcohol. It was the norm for him to go to work on a Friday and that would be the last time I would see him  most times, until Monday morning when the phone would ring…and it would be his boss looking for him again no doubt. He always got paid on a Friday, and most times, he got a motel room, boozed it up, and got high all weekend, coming home broke and pissed off. He always took it out on me. They got him cuffed now, taking him outside. I locked the bedroom door,  kids safely inside, and followed the police outside. He was screaming at me, cursing me and my name. Making threats and at this point the female officer maced him.  God that felt good to see!  She told him that was enough. I had bruises, was terrified. I was embarrassed, and ashamed. For some reason, I was drawn to him like a moth to a light. His voice would bring me to my knees and I would once again be weak. Little did I know, that day wouldn’t be the last. In fact, I would suffer a great many more times and to various degrees,until one day, I met my night and shining armor. (Thats another story, for another day)

How many more times would I suffer?

What was I carrying around with me of any value? Was it benefiting me at all?

Why couldn’t I let it go? Was it worth keeping? What power had he have on me?

“The time has come to lay that baggage down and leave behind all the struggling and striving. You can be set free as you journey forward into a balanced healthy and rewarding future.” – Sue Augustine

 

The problem with most of us is that we are carrying around some form of items that we are attached to unnecessarily. Items that have no use and we arent benefiting from. I held onto these various accounts for most of my life.Taking out the contents and hurting the ones i loved with them. It wasnt their faults…I just didnt know how or what I was doing by NOT letting go of these items that were dragging me and my relationships with everyone down.It was affecting me and my life in many aspects and putting up barriers from me living my life the way it should be lived. I wasnt the only one suffering…others around me suffered…and it was unnecessary. To what cost would I hold onto these things and not let them go? it took someone to show me, to tell me, to point it out. I realized then, the pain I was causing, and the people it affected so deeply. Even years after they had been long and gone. They were deep seated issues sure. Yes, took me sometime to get a handle on them but, what about the people that cant get that handle on them? This I think is a toughie. Most of us carry with us burdens, scars, bruises, and the not so loved….emotional baggage, some not even our own to bear.  We go through life broken, alone, and afraid. Much like the purse or wallet, learning how and when to dump them out and clean it up is a huge task. First you must open the purse or wallet. Dig out whatever item it is thats bothering you and throw it out without looking back! For some, they have no idea what particular item is bugging them until often times its right under their nose.Others have a difficult times wanting to let go. They are attached to articles or items that have no monetary or significant value, but more a personal,emotional attachment, or  even memory. Maybe for fear of forgetting? They fear that if the items is let go, they will be forced to move on and face the fact that they have to deal with whatever they are avoiding in the first place.   Grudges are an offender as well. Lifes just to short to hold onto them, getting sucked into that negativity……learn to let go!!!Was the item a good or bad connection? That in itself may have something to do with it? If it was bad, some find it easier to let it go. Others use it to gain strength while others focus on it, and its power engulfs them. It destroys them. Some just struggle period. There is no right or wrong in dumping out your purse or wallet. Honestly, its just a metaphor, but by now, Im sure you have gotten the picture.

Not just pertaining to items in your purse, but things that you carry with you everyday. Are they worth all the baggage and weight? Arent you tired of carrying them  and the weight around? Nows as good as time as ever to start the cleaning and let the baggage go. Leave it for the rightful owner. Unpack, and put the luggage way. Enjoy the freedoms of not having to be weighed down and let others feel that same pressure being released from you! Lifes to short to carry with you all the emotional and whatever else baggage you carry!

“There’s a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly.”  – Rosalind Johnson  

Let those things that bind you go!

Toss out the idea that you “need” to hold on to it just case!

In the end its luggage, its meant to be dropped off…cleaned out, any leftovers thrown out, then safely stored away for someone else to use! You dont have to keep it. Its baggage. If it doesnt belong to you, find its owner, and let them have it.


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Renovate Your Mind Space

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Often times at the dinner table We would gather and eat. It would consist of jokes being made at my expense, put downs, some form of mockery, or ranking on me. I was harshly told to sit up straight by “him” and my elbows stabbed from time to time with a fork…also by “him”. My mother at some point or another would also join in the snickering and it was an isolating feeling to be at the table. It was me, my two older step-brothers (at the time) and my younger half brother,,”him”,and my mother. I didnt belong. I was deemed somehow the outcast, or unwanted one. Most often times, I wasnt hungry. I hated eating meat as a child…it served no purpose for me.

Most times I ate my dinner slowly letting my imagination whisk me away to far off places from my “imaginary” adoptive family! ( If only it were true) I more often times then not, would be the only one left eating at the table, while everyone else was gone. I was forced to eat my dinner, and couldnt leave my seat until it was finished. Sundays consisted of the same ol’ same ol’ spaghetti dinner. “He” liked it. My mother wasnt a very good cook. On occasion, pizza was a treat but it had sausage and pepperoni on it. I never ate it. Was always the same…..”he” got to choose. I would try to stick up for myself, to no prevail. It most always definitely end up in me loosing, and in tears running to my room…to throw myself on my bed, sobbing like a baby, or writing poems in my journal. I had been to others houses. Their families seemed like “normal” people. Though early on I had discovered that EVERY family had it’s own issues…none were perfect.

As a mother now, and young grandmother, I have realized that those screwed up rules and dinner time chaos didnt and wouldnt have to become part of my family dinner traditions. Over the years I struggled to make sense of it all and form my own family dinner meetings. Tried to bestow some “normalcy”  to our home. Never bringing up the way things were when I was young. I wanted so desperately to have that overall sense of glowing pride that my family was perfect and would gather happily at the table without disagreements and ridiculous arguments!! That was out of the question, and soon I realized it was all but a hopeless dream.

You see, i have come to understand that even though my childhood was horrible, and I carried with me those same fears and terrors. I had the tools I needed to make the changes in my own life and families life. Though not perfect, it wouldnt matter. We still had each other and though our times at the table were at some point stressful and silent…we stilled shared in open love, and honesty. There were no harsh feelings or mockery…no put downs or sense of ganging up on someone. I strive for holidays for it to be picture perfect…wanting to explore this new found sense of playing house and wanting to provide this “Brady Bunch” gathering for them. I call it “Family Tradition”. There is no harm in wanting things to go well…and for EVERYONE to get along. A day with out stress, or drama. Just a family gathering where everyone loved to love…and be loved.

Bottom line is: It is what it is! I cant push my beliefs on others. I can however, make sure that I lead by example, in the hopes that one day…all my four children and all my grandchildren see that I have struggled to provide them all with a sense of UNITY and FAMILY. No matter your past, and your family (although at times its to bad we cant choose who they are) your past doesnt define who you are and can be. You CAN change your past. You DONT have to become like your parents and/or family. You CAN start your own Traditions. The days of thinking that you are going to be like your parents are GONE!!!! The days of breaking the chain has come….let go of those times where you feel like your living in the past and start thinking of fresh new, exciting ways to create your own ideas and make them a reality!!!

RENOVATE YOUR MIND SPACE!!!!