First Steps

Exploring the world through caring thoughts, the freedoms of guilt free emotions, and looking at the world through the eyes of someone elses perspective seeking to enhance and set free your soul by opening your heart and mind


1 Comment

The Stresses of a Womans World

go-cart and Gwen 032 - Copy.JPG

struggles

As a child growing up, I can remember holidays coming and going. The women in the kitchen while the men sat quietly awaiting their feast as the women cackled and talked in the kitchen slaving away. The men’s stomachs rumbling and the kids noisily played racing around the house and screaming at one another about politics or the current game on television.  I can recall the sweat on my grandmothers brow as she barked orders to my aunts and mother on the next much needed item or chore needing to be done.

Sometimes I recall those memories and I think to myself how incredible it was that these women had taken time in their busy schedules to make all this happen. My mother- a hard working woman that was a tom boy in her day until she passed, and could run a chainsaw better then most men, and never stopped working or took a break. She was always busy and believed that if there was light that there was no reason to waste time in a day, it meant “something” could be getting done and NOT to waste that opportunity.

My mother, much like my grandmothers seemed to NEVER take sick. If they were, they sucked it up and never let it get them down, or put on a show of helplessness to attract attention or gain sympathy from others. They kept trudging wearily along and finished their chores and finished their duties that were required of them. They took care of their families, husbands, their children too, then they made dinner and checked homework….cleaning up afterwards. NEVER  not once complaining about their jobs, or what was asked of them,  nor breaking down in tears or emotional distress in front of us at any time ( it was a secret or happened behind locked doors) or complaining they were to sick to “DO” anything.

They ALWAYS made time, even when it felt as though there wasn’t any…they made it happen!!

. woman illness

Continue reading

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Mt Adams

 

 

 

 

grandkids, Mt Adams trip 131

 

Reflections arent always what you see…..sometimes, when your looking you see what you ONLY choose to see. Everything has a form of beauty in it…..look past outward appearances, and find what draws you in. You may be surprised at what you find.


Leave a comment

Jewels on a necklace

Jewels on a necklace
cut differently, you and I
all attached one way or another on a strand,
in life just touching one another briefly,
as we stroll through our lives journeys individually.
– G.Parkhurst

Thought for the day…….
Where does brilliance come from?
The body, or mind?
Heart or soul?
In which direction does it flow?
Lastly, just how bright do you shine to others?

 

It has been some months now that I have unplugged, and for good reason. It has been a bumpy ride, and I have found myself doing more soul searching. These last few months have left me in more emotional anguish, jobless, and in pain then I care to share. However, it has taught me one thing, that being that we are ALL invaluable. Some of us have never tasted the feelings of self worthlessness, some have. In any case, I have to say that no matter who you are, what background you came from, there IS purpose. What that purpose is, Im not entirely sure. Thats what your own journey decides in life. That will be another day. To be honest, I wasnt sure just how many people I have touched, and often wondered, should I stop blogging or sharing all together?? With that said, I will continue to share my thoughts on life, abuse, and emotional baggage as I have done in the past. I will also gladly continue posting my pictures everytime I blog just to  keep you all in high spirits. If you choose not to read my posts Im ok with that…..however, you may find yourself one day thinking back on something that I’ve shared that may have touched you in one way or another…..at least, thats what Im aiming for! Im not looking to become famous, or rich….just to be honest, and share in life journeys what may help someone, somewhere along the line in how to be more loving, positive, and cope more productively instead of just being numb and self destructing or simply on auto pilot going through life feeling no purpose. Im here, always have been…your not alone…never will be. You are loved….and you will always have a friend in me.

I wish for you during this time of seasonal change, the harvesting of a new spirit. Inner sanctum and peace, a place in your soul that you may tap into to get comfortable within your skin, and reclaim you and your life. Health and prosperity, love, and a kindred heart. Live life everyday with no regrets and love entirely, never give up, and dont hold back. Explore your mind, spirit, and soul with all you have….learn to put yourself first.

Until next blogcast…..Be well my lovelies….be well!


2 Comments

Clowns Cry Too

Clowns wear a face that”s painted intentionally on them so they 

appear to be happy or sad. what kind of mask are you wearing today?      

—- Anonymous

Image

Clowns Cry to.  I wonder why that is.  They are under paid and underrated I believe.  Its truly amazing how they can put on a show, forgetting their own lives, to  bring joy and happiness to others that need it. They are laughed at, mocked, and people snort and point at them behind their backs.  They are painted comedians.  What I find most interesting is that in almost all cases the clown or comedian has come from some form of tragedy.  Laughter heals they say.  I would like to meet the person responsible for this “so called” saying and ask him/her personally what makes him/her the expert on that.  So much pressure is put onto the person that is the abused or the victim.  We are expected to go through life pretending that nothing has happened or is wrong.  We are forced to set aside our own feelings, never dealing with them, and suck it up and move on.

“The mind is but a mystical dark circus;

we are nothing but a clown playing along to life’s theater.

Our faces delicately brimming with giggles;

painted in bright colors,

As we hide from the world…..

showing them only what they truly want to see.” 

— G. Parkhurst

There is much pain, sorrow, and sadness in most of us, as we trot along in life.  In most cases people are so oblivious they don”t even see.  In fact, is it that they don”t see…or wanna see?  Could they handle it?  Its a hard luck life,…….. no, a hard luck story.  No clown or comedian asks you to feel sorry for them. Just that you take time to understand them. To respect them and all the hurt that comes along with them.  Most often times, we are not seen or heard.  We dress to impress and put on our happy face, pushing aside those things that haunt us.

” I remain in the dark.

My face misrepresented by this circus of life, tormented by my emotions and memories.

My mind constantly working, never allowing silence or peace.

I fear the silence, it shreds my soul a bit at a time, never leaving me 

to stop entertaining the idea that I MUST continue to hide behind a mask.

For behind this mask of characters, nobody can see what truly pains me.

My heart is lost to the enchantment of each mask, intricately made, just for me, that I must put on and wear.

Im caught up in confusion, cleverly disguised as being a normal person.”

— G. Parkhurst

Image

I’ve heard people often remark that they are scared of clowns. Some petrified. Why you ask? Could it be that those very same people are in tune with their surroundings? Im not saying pedophile here….Im saying that possibly they see past the paint and all the make-up. Their intuitions prove that they see that there is so much more beneath the surface. What is it that they are hiding? What really is going on in their souls and minds? Could it be they see the pain, trauma, horror, abuse…or even evilness? Kinda scary to me.

The bottom line is that the next time you find yourself judging someone…look at them a little deeper with more understanding and compassion. Dont expect them to pick up…dust right off..move on…forget and forgive. It should be on our time, not yours. Try to get past the clown and see the person. Try to be understanding and get to know them. Listen to their stories and what they are really trying to tell you without speaking.

They are my heroes….and I there sister or brother. We are family. We share a commonality. We have a unwritten or unspoken bond,

I respect them and their jobs, they do it so well, and I like them, and so many others out there, who bring joy to others where there is sadness. Its a heavy burden to carry. However, when I put my mask on..its easier to focus my energy on your pain and sadness…then to face my inner demons and fears, i would rather forget about mine, to help you let go of yours! We touch peoples lives every day and forget about our own…casting it to the wayside. SO much so…..that we get lost in ourselves…some struggling to get out…others content in still wearing the masks…it no longer is just a mask…but has become and always will be part of who and what they truly are…….lost forever…what we wanna be…and wanna do…or ever wanna feel.

What mask are you wearing today?

I wish for you today a sense of inner peace and healing. Truly that you know that you are not alone and that no matter what mask you choose…..I love you for who you are, not which one you choose to wear. Dont fear the mask…embrace it and let it surround you and keep you. In it, you feel a sense of safety. Its ok. I wont and dont judge you. When you are ready, I and others like me will be here for you to help you, guide you, encourage you, and we will ALWAYS love and support you! Safe journeys today for your inner spirit…let your mind wander freely today, reflecting on which masks can be thrown out and which ones you still need.

Until next time my fellow clowns…..live to laugh another day, shed a tear , and always keep smiling!  ❤


Leave a comment

The Fundamentals of Baggage Claim

Image

What’s in your wallet? Or purse? No. Not the Capital One Commercial question.

What are you carrying around with you? If you were to dump out the contents of your purse of wallet, what would you find? Are all the items worth keeping? Do they have uses, or have you gotten so comfortable with carrying them unnecessarily around, that you have simply forgotten that they are merely there? Is it possible that you hold on to those items that just in the chance you “might” need it? Do you struggle to let them go?

The big question you find yourself asking is;

” Why am I still holding onto and carrying these items?”

(One account)

Beaten,battered, and bruised, cowering on the bedroom floor barricaded in with a nightstand and my feet planted as hard as I could. I gripped my two small children in terror. Fear pulsing in my veins, shaken and trembling. I sat listening to the police invade my home destroying it and its contents, searching no doubt for the bastard that had just beaten me in front of my children. His children. We were all huddled together, I nothing more then a mere child of just 18 at the time with my 2 small kids. Afraid,and confused. They brought the dogs this time. He had more warrants and this time, he was hiding like the coward that he was, trying to tuck himself into the space underneath the stairs. They would get him…and they did!! They let the dogs do the hard work this time…sniffing him like the looser he was! I was so angry and yet petrified at the same time. Time seemed to change in an instant. His mood always did when he was coming down off a high, and/or alcohol. It was the norm for him to go to work on a Friday and that would be the last time I would see him  most times, until Monday morning when the phone would ring…and it would be his boss looking for him again no doubt. He always got paid on a Friday, and most times, he got a motel room, boozed it up, and got high all weekend, coming home broke and pissed off. He always took it out on me. They got him cuffed now, taking him outside. I locked the bedroom door,  kids safely inside, and followed the police outside. He was screaming at me, cursing me and my name. Making threats and at this point the female officer maced him.  God that felt good to see!  She told him that was enough. I had bruises, was terrified. I was embarrassed, and ashamed. For some reason, I was drawn to him like a moth to a light. His voice would bring me to my knees and I would once again be weak. Little did I know, that day wouldn’t be the last. In fact, I would suffer a great many more times and to various degrees,until one day, I met my night and shining armor. (Thats another story, for another day)

How many more times would I suffer?

What was I carrying around with me of any value? Was it benefiting me at all?

Why couldn’t I let it go? Was it worth keeping? What power had he have on me?

“The time has come to lay that baggage down and leave behind all the struggling and striving. You can be set free as you journey forward into a balanced healthy and rewarding future.” – Sue Augustine

 

The problem with most of us is that we are carrying around some form of items that we are attached to unnecessarily. Items that have no use and we arent benefiting from. I held onto these various accounts for most of my life.Taking out the contents and hurting the ones i loved with them. It wasnt their faults…I just didnt know how or what I was doing by NOT letting go of these items that were dragging me and my relationships with everyone down.It was affecting me and my life in many aspects and putting up barriers from me living my life the way it should be lived. I wasnt the only one suffering…others around me suffered…and it was unnecessary. To what cost would I hold onto these things and not let them go? it took someone to show me, to tell me, to point it out. I realized then, the pain I was causing, and the people it affected so deeply. Even years after they had been long and gone. They were deep seated issues sure. Yes, took me sometime to get a handle on them but, what about the people that cant get that handle on them? This I think is a toughie. Most of us carry with us burdens, scars, bruises, and the not so loved….emotional baggage, some not even our own to bear.  We go through life broken, alone, and afraid. Much like the purse or wallet, learning how and when to dump them out and clean it up is a huge task. First you must open the purse or wallet. Dig out whatever item it is thats bothering you and throw it out without looking back! For some, they have no idea what particular item is bugging them until often times its right under their nose.Others have a difficult times wanting to let go. They are attached to articles or items that have no monetary or significant value, but more a personal,emotional attachment, or  even memory. Maybe for fear of forgetting? They fear that if the items is let go, they will be forced to move on and face the fact that they have to deal with whatever they are avoiding in the first place.   Grudges are an offender as well. Lifes just to short to hold onto them, getting sucked into that negativity……learn to let go!!!Was the item a good or bad connection? That in itself may have something to do with it? If it was bad, some find it easier to let it go. Others use it to gain strength while others focus on it, and its power engulfs them. It destroys them. Some just struggle period. There is no right or wrong in dumping out your purse or wallet. Honestly, its just a metaphor, but by now, Im sure you have gotten the picture.

Not just pertaining to items in your purse, but things that you carry with you everyday. Are they worth all the baggage and weight? Arent you tired of carrying them  and the weight around? Nows as good as time as ever to start the cleaning and let the baggage go. Leave it for the rightful owner. Unpack, and put the luggage way. Enjoy the freedoms of not having to be weighed down and let others feel that same pressure being released from you! Lifes to short to carry with you all the emotional and whatever else baggage you carry!

“There’s a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly.”  – Rosalind Johnson  

Let those things that bind you go!

Toss out the idea that you “need” to hold on to it just case!

In the end its luggage, its meant to be dropped off…cleaned out, any leftovers thrown out, then safely stored away for someone else to use! You dont have to keep it. Its baggage. If it doesnt belong to you, find its owner, and let them have it.

Mothers of Sexually abused Children

Victims come in all shapes and sizes. No two stories alike. There is hope and people out there to help you. If you or someone you know needs help or are looking for answers…please dont hesitate. Your a great person, dont ever think or let anyone else make you think different. Your loved…and you deserve so much more. Let your voice be heard…come to a healing place and start your journey where you can mend those open wounds and turn them into nothing but a scar and a story. Remember, you are loved


2 Comments

Time for you Too

Image

“Can you tell me the time?” …..”Do you have the time?” …..”We gotta hurry we’re late!!”…..” I dont have the time for this!!”

” The doctor is running a little behind today.”………”Your behind the times.” ………”What time are we supposed to be there?”……….” “How much time do you have?”

All questions that seem to hit home to at least one us. Caught up in the daily grind that most of us dont take the “TIME”  to stop and relax for minute. Life has become a rush of things. Forgetting the important things, and it flies by without notice. We have become yet, inevitably addicted to a fast paced life style without giving it a second thought. Why is that do you suppose? We see it every day….dont deny it. I think that what hits home for me, is that the things that matter get so easily forgotten. The important things. We dont stop long enough to notice that smile from someone special. Or, long enough to give, or feel, and enjoy that much needed hug! To listen to the ever important day from a 5 yr old telling it through his or her eyes. Maybe to sing along to the child’s favorite song and tell them what a wonderful voice they have!  To tell your teenager for no reason that your proud of him or her!  To take  a moment and include a little note saying “I LOVE YOU!” in a loved ones lunch box?? Do you stop long enough to say to the person in your life that matters so much …that you ” Truly Love them?” Its not that most of us have stopped long enough to see how selfish we to have become.

Or, to particularly admit that we maybe dont care. Often, we turn the other cheek to others needs and sometimes even forget our own. The truth hurts doesnt it? I know for me it does! The age of technology is rapidly increasing and now you can almost look any where and see that even a homeless person may have a device (though maybe not his or hers). I have noticed that parents have been so engulfed into their Ipads or iphones that the needs or desires of the child or family often times gets prolonged or ignored. Now, we all at some point are guilty of this. Myself included.

Video games….they seem to be a top offender!!! Notably, I have witnessed their power and attention spans go out the window when one is in play or use! The roof could be caving in, and mass destruction going on outside….but low and behold to finish level 28 is a must and nothing can keep that person from it!!! Death be to those that interfere with the video gamers….just a warning!!! lol

Its hard for me to understand the video game concept. –sitting for countless hours on your ass to play a unrealistic game and fight villains. No judging here, I just dont understand it. Personally, I think its time wasted, when life is going on, and passing you by, minute by minute.Time.…that you can not get back. However, if you agree about the video games…..isnt phones or Ipads just about the same? Still on them….countless hours of searching, shopping, or internet porn?

My point being;

Its all time that we are loosing. Isnt time precious enough without adding into the mix of things these devices that run our lives??? I think that its great that we have the tools to enhance our minds. I am using a computer right now. However, its to help you and myself for realistic purposes and to heal and grow. Im not here, day after day for hours at a time…watching my ass grow! (although, technically it is…gotta do something about that!) Maybe I see things differently then others. Maybe I notice things that others dont see. Maybe its that others notice but “CHOOSE” not to openly admit they see it as well. I AM, and ALWAYS HAVE BEEN,the type of person that “says it how she sees it person! ”  We are getting so enveloped in the things that seem to make our lives easier but to what cost? Who’s the suffering ones here? Sure we may becoming a more advanced race but the child is the one thats not quite there yet.

Now dont get me wrong. Im not saying its ALLLLLLLL technology’s fault. No. What im trying to say is that there are already enough things in this world that lets us forget time and its essence without going and adding technology into the mix of things.  From a childs perspective (I was one once) you need that attention. You need someone to listen to you, to make you feel as though you are important! Not a tv, or video game for a babysitter. The outside world is growing and changing. our parks, and nature is at our doors. They to, are changing everyday. Its harder and harder to explore these things and one day at the rate things are happening these too might forever be lost to us. To our children.  becoming nothing more than a book with mere pictures or stories that we tell. For me, thats NOT what I want. Whens the last time that you took the “TIME” to explore with your child? Or, the last time you went for a drive with your lover? Even, the last time you packed enough food for a picnic, even  if it is only in the backyard? Built a tent out of sheets or blankets and camped out and spent a few hours with your family? Turned the tv off and said to the family…or friends…” Come on, lets go find something to do outside and explore…lets go on an adventure?” More importantly….whens the last time that you …took time for you???

From a victims point of view, time ceases to exists and in most cases seems to stop or slow to a crawl. Often times, we sought out the attention we so desperately needed but nobody seemed to have the time or took it to listen to us. If someone might have taken the time, its quite possible I may not be here now writing to you about my life and views. However, for victims its not all the same. Some victims are still stuck in time. Unable to let go and heal. To recover from their past time.Which brings me to remind you all and those dearly loved victims out there…….grasp time. Never let it go! Enjoy it, live it, heal, help others, move on, love it, and those that share in it with you! Embrace time,dont loose it or be lost to it!  We overlook time and take it for granted. Its precious. A hot commodity. Can change at any given moment. Take a moment…listen to the world around you. Do you hear the world hustling and bustling outside your door? How important is “TIME” to you? What do you make of it? You cant change it, you cant get it back. You can however, enjoy what you have left, and what time is to come to pass. Its a gift, an invaluable treasure. Use it wisely.

Its never promised.