As a child growing up, I can remember holidays coming and going. The women in the kitchen while the men sat quietly awaiting their feast as the women cackled and talked in the kitchen slaving away. The men’s stomachs rumbling and the kids noisily played racing around the house and screaming at one another about politics or the current game on television. I can recall the sweat on my grandmothers brow as she barked orders to my aunts and mother on the next much needed item or chore needing to be done.
Sometimes I recall those memories and I think to myself how incredible it was that these women had taken time in their busy schedules to make all this happen. My mother- a hard working woman that was a tom boy in her day until she passed, and could run a chainsaw better then most men, and never stopped working or took a break. She was always busy and believed that if there was light that there was no reason to waste time in a day, it meant “something” could be getting done and NOT to waste that opportunity.
My mother, much like my grandmothers seemed to NEVER take sick. If they were, they sucked it up and never let it get them down, or put on a show of helplessness to attract attention or gain sympathy from others. They kept trudging wearily along and finished their chores and finished their duties that were required of them. They took care of their families, husbands, their children too, then they made dinner and checked homework….cleaning up afterwards. NEVER not once complaining about their jobs, or what was asked of them, nor breaking down in tears or emotional distress in front of us at any time ( it was a secret or happened behind locked doors) or complaining they were to sick to “DO” anything.
They ALWAYS made time, even when it felt as though there wasn’t any…they made it happen!!
I can remember the family like any other having its issues whether it being drug abuse, divorce, sexual abuse, or mental abuse, or even mental disorders/sickness. All these in and of themselves, were never talked about, and most times swept under the rug. To make it clear, all families do it, still most to this very day. My mother much like my aunts came with some struggles, none openly talked about. Most women do, none rarely discuss it. For we are born into the toughness that’s rarely openly discussed but learned and taught on to the next generation. Its inbred in us. Much like a man to a boy, that lesson that it not labeled and has no name. Something invisible that is learned and taught through way of actions and never verbally stated.
MY INSPIRATION :
A few days ago a woman who is good friend of mine contacted me and encouraged me to come back where I was, and start blogging again, writing, taking photos, and Life/Wellness Coaching again. She inquired as to where I have been, asked me how I was and why I haven’t bothered anymore. I simply stated I lost my mojo, and felt as though I really never inspired or helped anyone, and that my art, or writings aren’t doing much of nothing. She disagreed. Through convincing from her, I agreed I would start again, and started going back through my accounts and other mentors of mine were stating the same.
Now, upon talking with her, I inquired as to how she was and simply put, she was NOT happy at all at where she was in her life, or where her life was going. ( I feel it important to state that she was secure in her life as a woman, she is a photographer, travels, and is intelligent….I also, look to her as a mentor , and in my opinion I envied her.) She was going through some MAJOR life events that unfolded and had a HUGE impact on her and her mental status. She disclosed that she was embarrassed about some things which I quickly told her not to be!!!! ( of course….what kind of friend would I be???)
I explained that its ok to experience these things. As women we are forced almost to NOT feel. To become as I call it…..AUTOPILOT!!! We live our lives one day to the next going through the motions but doing just that. We are so hard on ourselves, to be the “perfect women, mother, wife, partner, friend, or even employee in some cases. When is it enough? I rationally explained to her just this….cry, get it out. Feel…let it out. don’t hold it in for fear of falling apart due to being fearful of what others think. Be irrational. Let your inhibitions go. Its part of the healing process. You take meds???? So the HELL what!!!!
Often times as a society we have these HIGH expectations of women to be perfect and flawless. With these high expectations we are forgetting the kinds of unnecessary stressors and burdens that we already carry, let alone adding more to the chaos!!! We are talking about the foundations of our very existence here. Without women there would simply be no men. It takes a women ….A STRONG woman to continue the battle to accomplish all that is required of her!!
During my conversation with my friend, I was just concerned that in our lives as women that we forget ourselves. We get lost in the needs and demands of everyone else around us….simply put….WE COME IN LAST!!! Some women aren’t so fortunate to have support and love in their lives or help for that matter. Some women are doing it alone. That’s tough. We need to learn to love and support one another. To encourage and compliment another women. Do you need one? Of course!!! We all do!!! When is the last time that you gave a TRUE compliment to another woman not expecting one back? We all are in so much need of love these days. A simple word of love or gesture can go a long way, and is much needed!! Try it….I guarantee that it will make you smile and its hard to be mad or in a bad mood when someone is smiling at you from that gesture. Its discouraging enough to live in our own heads, and deal with the constant barrage and endless internal self torture that we do to ourselves. I wanna see women make more friends, stop being judgmental, show love, encourage others, and take a giant step towards uniting one another in the way we should. You never know what silent battles one person might be facing. So stop thinking that your the only one or perfect….reflect here……
Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you don’t have to face them alone if you just let someone in??? I have ALWAYS taught my children (now grown and I’m a grandma) it’s always good to have at least ONE direct person you can trust and dump all your crap on!!! A set of ears that doesn’t run its mouth is priceless!!!! Am I right ladies???
Men, if your reading this….know that what and who you have in your life is a treasure worth holding onto!! She is a princess, a queen, and deserves so much tenderness, patience, kindness, and ALL your love and understanding. If your flower opens up to you…cherish it. Don’t say a word, just listen and be supportive. Most times, women just want to be heard, they will usually figure it all out on their own. They just need someone to hear them out so they can unload. Be that someone and I promise you wont regret the love you receive in return. No judging….just pure love and acceptance!!!
Bottom line is, your not broken….and if you are, like I said, you can be mended . Women are built strong for a reason. Learn to accept yourself for NOT being perfect. Its ok, to have flaws, it makes you unique. It doesn’t matter if you take meds or have a mental illness, your NOT the illness. Most people in this crazy world need meds or have other issues, and don’t accept it, or deny it. Either way, NOBODY is perfect so quit worrying about what your not…become what you were meant to be……YOU!!!! Now go out there, and slay them like the hot tigress that you are and show this world that your a woman that can take anything that is thrown at her and own it like its hers!!!!
*Peace and love to you on this day. I wish for you eternal wellness, hope, health, and much love. May your heart be well, your mind stop long enough for you to enjoy yourself as you should. May you go today with new clarity and inner peace and the comfort of knowing that you are not alone. Their are plenty of women in this world that are walking the same line as you and facing the same contagious battles you face, look for inspiration in places you never thought to look before!
* Good day my lovelies!