First Steps

Exploring the world through caring thoughts, the freedoms of guilt free emotions, and looking at the world through the eyes of someone elses perspective seeking to enhance and set free your soul by opening your heart and mind







” Survival is not so much about the body, but rather it is about the triumph of the human spirit!”


Its important for me to say to you that this next brief short story doesn’t in any way reflect on my beliefs. I’m not associated with any racist group, and am not racist myself. The story I’m telling here is at it happened in the words that were said. It not intended to mislead you into thinking I’m a racist bigot or offend or cast ill will towards any other race. This is my story, and how I witnessed it. 


“He” was a racist bigot, always had been. Saying things to me like” man, you got them big nigger lips dont ya?” or “God Damn your ugly!” “I hope your not hangin around those nigger kids.” ” You know Im not taking you to the dance, especially if your going with any of those nigger kids!” “why dont you come over here and suck my dick with those nigger lips of yours?”

Ok, thats about all I can write. Makes me sick and I wanna vomit!

I had a few best friends in my school years…some WERE black. I had to endure comments and actions like that my whole life…and to this day as far as I know “he” is still like that. “He” obviously was narrowed minded and “his” views and beliefs didn’t rub off on me. In fact, spite “him”, I befriended many more people like the ones I had growing up. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I guess I didn’t see colors like “he” did. Guess I was color blind!  I had no clue what the issue was. How immoral and illogical was “he” for not even knowing that as a Italian man, “his” nationality originated from Sicily, which if you do the research people were black. I loved telling “him” that! Boy, did “he” get pissed off when I told “him” that the very people “he” didn’t like was in “his” blood and that it was “his” ancestors! Hilarious!!! Screw the bastard!! Funny, my mother didn’t seem to mind. In fact, the same sex toys “he” chased me around with and tried to scare me with were black! Did that mean “he” was using a “black” toy on my mother and yet, “he” was prejudice? Ironic? Yes. I think so! It was this type of behavior and role model that I had in my home growing up until I left at the ripe age of about 12 or 13. I decided that whatever fate had in store for me on the outside world was a much better chance than sticking around this “HELL HOLE””” called home!  I would just have to take my chances! Abusive situations, mind fucking, and emotional roller coasters…ups, and downs…I couldn’t keep up with it! I knew it was up to me to survive. Survive I did! I had gotten this far on my own….being out in the harsh environment in the middle of Winter with no clothes or coat….well, like I said, I’d would sooner take my chances then to stay another night at that Wack house, rotting from the inside out! I hated the feeling that I didn’t belong and was invisible until someone wanted something from me! I didnt have much incentive in that part of my life. I was alone, and depressed. I had few friends…I mean REAL friends. 


From the beginning of time man and animal alike have been born with animal like instincts. They have been genetically bred into this machine… fight to stay alive…..this animal like instinct we call “SURVIVAL”


 noun, often attributive \sər-ˈvī-vəl\

: the state or fact of continuing to live or exist especially in spite of difficult conditions

: something from an earlier period that still exists or is done

Full Definition of SURVIVAL


a :  the act or fact of living or continuing longer than another person or thing


b :  the continuation of life or existence <problems of survivalin arctic conditions>

:  one that survives
“Before you give up, think about the reasons that you held onto for so long.”
I wrote a poem for survivors awhile back, my brother-in- law gave me a little black binder that had a strap on it..perfect for my poems when they come to me. I can be awaken in the middle of the night and feel compelled to write poems or blog….I have it here for you…I read it to some people and the impact was more then I expected. It brought my husband to tears. I had no clue until that moment just what an impact I had on people and how my story affected others lives, in giving them hope, and encouragement…by sharing in my story and pain it helps to bring the reality that we are not alone in this fight! 

Like a message in a bottle

the sands of time dont sway

just as the innocent by stander


and the heavy price thats paid


Isolation, loneliness and fear fed

into the raging demons that plague our lives even in dreamscaped heads


Fear that consumes us and our

thoughts weigh heavily on our grief stricken hearts

for the fear of rejection and this being our one last shot.


The fierce fire that burned within

snuffed out by abuse over so many years

constant reminders of words like sharp pointed daggers

thrust into our heads.


Rejected by love, affected by pain covered disgracefully on bodies

in greys, blues, and greens, all done in vain.


Promises unkept and rules all broken

bidding goodbye to a normal life, trapped into another world unspoken.


The only touch was pain

regrets with no gain

living a secret life of nothing but shame.


Courage to us for seeking the light

For bright futures and doing whats right


We will not back down and say its ok

For you were in the wrong, its you fault, you pay!


You took it all you ruined our life

Like sharp blades of glass Karma cuts deep like a knife


We’ve reclaimed our worth, sold disgrace and rejection

It’s not our disease, its your infection


We are free from your bonds, no more burdens to carry

Hang on tight to life, its gonna get scary


Loneliness and Shame will follow you to the end

I wish on you pain, sorrow,and isolation with no friends!


Moving on straight ahead

leaving that circle

Surviving the death of my soul being reborn to another…… enough said!


Freedom to choose, to lead on my own

to stand on two feet and do it alone

I left it all behind never to look back

Now I can say my lifes on track!




Survival is NOT how you end an experience, but how you live through an experience.
It means not being a victim of circumstance, but taking hold of the experience, the circumstance, and turning it into an achievement!”
Don’t let others in your life influence you to be, do, or become that which you despise most. You have made it this far. You were born to survive and have been a survivor from the moment you took your first breath! Search deep within yourself and you will find that you have possessed the strength and courage to do what you need to do! You have gotten this far, and its been a fight, but in the end its worth every step, every tear and the reward is your freedom! Sometimes we need a little reminder that you still have it in you!
“You can take the dog out of the fight, but you cant take the fight out of the dog!”
Be that dog…use your animal instincts to fight and survive! 
“Change is difficult, but often is essential to survival!”
Peace & Love to you all….May your life be filled with balance & harmony, and may your troubled souls find calmed waters and seas! Blessings to you on this journey, and may you ALWAYS know… are NEVER alone! 

10 thoughts on “SURVIVAL

  1. “Freedom to choose, to lead on my own
    to stand on two feet and do it alone
    I left it all behind never to look back
    Now I can say my lifes on track!”
    Great wisdom in your words. I like the Steve Jobs quote a lot. We can’t be blinded by people with ugly thoughts. Best to allow them to swim in their own foolishness. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.

    • your welcome! Without people like you readiing and commenting I wouldnt have the strenght to do this. It is because of you and the few people that have decided to follow. I am hoping that one day, not only will my stories reach others that share in this pain and suffering, but that it will help encourage them to heal and know that they are not alone in this fight. Thank you so much for your kind words and your response, Im glad that it touched you!

    • you mentioned you would like to stay in contact…for those that want personal contact…to post my stories and share with other writers…please contact me at I look forward to hearing from you!

      • That make it easily. I like wordpress. The board with poetry allowed me to read poetry from different views and places. But there are so many. I do use the email too. I received 1000 e-mails from 4 sites, facebook and music. Hard to maintain. Thank you for sharing your site.

  2. I came across this article in the wordpress reader pane. It is important for you to know a few things and I have sufficient years to state them without reservation.
    Whatever male, said those terrible words to you, I would first call him a liar, as you are exceptionally beautiful, and I would then suspect that male of being some sort of closet homosexual.
    It happens to be, that I am, of Sicilian heritage. My family has been in Sicily since 268 AD/CE, as my ancestor was a Roman General, and there is more to this. Sicily has most of Tenth Legion as a dedicated bloodline as people stood on that island to avoid problems, and subsequently, over the course of time, has been invaded by Moorish Muslim Blacks, Arabs, Turks, Egyptians, Greeks, Spaniards (remnants of Ninth Legion), everyone in the Mediterranean region. Roman bloodlines are easy to spot.
    Be on guard, people are known for being mean, simply for their own amusement and because if they talked crap to someone like me, they would get their teeth knocked out, right then and there, so to pick on girls, is immature, and a sign of limited intelligence.
    Wishing you the very Best of Luck in Life. Be kind to yourself. Take a tip from me, be less trusting and a bit more suspicious of people and start thinking like a prosecutor. What motive does that person have for saying or doing something. Think. They know it is wrong, yet do it, anyway. Separate yourself from the company of idiots. Change is easier done, than said. Determination. Tenacity. Let imbeciles flap their jaws, and you think before speaking. Change will happen overnight. Your social circle will also change, several times.
    In conclusion, I looked at your photograph, and wished I were a few decades younger (no joke).

    • Your to kind and generous with your words…both of wisdom and courage. I am grateful that my blog reached you. It is my hope that it will touch many thousands of others and inspire them to no longer be held to silence. To speak out and start healing. We areal human and everyone deserves love. I feel compelled to share my life’s story even if it touches just one soul, then I have been successful. One is to many to be abused and hurt. The world is cruel enough without adding simple minded people into the works of things. I appreciate your generosity in kind inspiring words, you have no idea how they reach in and touch the very soul that I have left. I’m en debited to you Sir…for you and others like you are what drives me to share…and for this I will continue my fight. Fyi….your last response was completely flattering…and left me at a loss for words…just know, I had a smile on my face, and was blushing in front of my computer! ;0)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s