First Steps

Exploring the world through caring thoughts, the freedoms of guilt free emotions, and looking at the world through the eyes of someone elses perspective seeking to enhance and set free your soul by opening your heart and mind


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Lights, Camera, Action!!!!!

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If I were to show up at your door? Would you invite me in? Would you hesitate? Would you act like yourself when Im in your home? Or would you pretend that your life and everyone in it were “normal” with no problems?

Thats the question I find myself asking these days. It seems as though most of us go through our lives on “Auto Pilot”

 When someone asks you –   ” How are you today’?  Do you really think they care or want to know? I think not….but ….again, would you really tell them if they did?

Or, would you “act” like your life is just “peachy” and continue about your day not giving it another thought? Do people in fact ” REALLY”…..I mean “REALLY” care?  How many times, have you yourself been in a hurry, ordered that coffee or went into a store to purchase something and some one kindly asks….” What are you up to today?”  Would you honestly answer? Do you? Is it any of their business? Your in to much of a rush to care, and quite frankly, its taking your precious time and keeping you from what you wanna do!!!!           Which brings me to my next segment:

Let me paint a picture for you.

A young child comes to you, or someone you know and tells you that he/ she is being molested. Home life isnt great, mothers beating her, step brothers picking on her and beating her up, and  she’s terrified and alone. She has tried to get your attention but to no avail has it worked. She’s went to school counselors and told and you seem to be the last person she has the energy to try to tell.  What do you do?

Lets do this….- Police come. Their are knocking on your door.  You answer. They come in. They tell you all about the notice they got from the school and they are there to check things out.  Do you play “Happy Family”?

 Do you pretend as if nothings wrong or amiss. Or do you “tell the police about this poor girl…lost and alone? Do you help her and save her. Or, do you turn a blind eye? “

In society today were are often on “Auto Pilot” not getting involved in those things that dont concern us, but rather turning a blind eye instead of trying  to stand up for the things in which we believe to be right or wrong. We have let our voices fade and not be recognized, and allowed many innocent bystanders to suffer great consequences. We have turned into a society that doesnt take accountability for ourselves but rather, blames it on others and despite the fact it IS our fault in doing so, we leave the victims out in the world still helpless and alone and  without a voice to STILL remain victims. Dont pretend that your ok. Stop playing the blame game. Speak up!  If someones nosy, let them know its not their business. To many people are getting involved and theirs just to many captains at the wheel out there, and not enough deck hands. Society had transformed into our MOTHER telling us whats right or wrong…when to step in…when not…if its ok to spank or discipline our children and how…. whats in style, whats not, if your to fat, and what size you should be…..and lastly…sex in the media….(then  everyone wonders why sex is so prominent these days Jesus…take a good look around you!!!) but when it counts…victims are forgotten. Lost in the midst of things. The things that REALLY matter.  Dont turn your back on someone when it counts. Dont be afraid to stand up for that which you believe in. Its your GOD given right to fight for it. As a child, your rights dont exist, you rely on those of the people that you trust to provide them for you. You rely on their safety, love, and encouragement. Its easy to say ” Well, Im not getting involved in that….it’s not my problem.” But……isnt it? At that point you are just as much to blame. Dont pretend. Lifes not a movie in progress…your not an actor. Give the victims you see out there a fighting chance. Help them to have their voices heard. Be their guide to finding it if you cant do it for them….but dont pretend that they and their troubles dont exist.

Ask yourself………What if it were you?

Life has a funny way of dealing out Karma………..one day………….it could very well be.

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Its up to you to choose …. YOU HAVE # CHOICES AS A VICTIM
you can let it define you, and let it destroy you;
You can let it control you, and focus on it;
YOU can Learn from it, and let it STRENGTHEN YOU!!!!
No matter the choice, they all have one thing in common….YOU!!!!
Make YOUR CHOICE….DONT let “IT” Make YOU!!!!!!


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Renovate Your Mind Space

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Often times at the dinner table We would gather and eat. It would consist of jokes being made at my expense, put downs, some form of mockery, or ranking on me. I was harshly told to sit up straight by “him” and my elbows stabbed from time to time with a fork…also by “him”. My mother at some point or another would also join in the snickering and it was an isolating feeling to be at the table. It was me, my two older step-brothers (at the time) and my younger half brother,,”him”,and my mother. I didnt belong. I was deemed somehow the outcast, or unwanted one. Most often times, I wasnt hungry. I hated eating meat as a child…it served no purpose for me.

Most times I ate my dinner slowly letting my imagination whisk me away to far off places from my “imaginary” adoptive family! ( If only it were true) I more often times then not, would be the only one left eating at the table, while everyone else was gone. I was forced to eat my dinner, and couldnt leave my seat until it was finished. Sundays consisted of the same ol’ same ol’ spaghetti dinner. “He” liked it. My mother wasnt a very good cook. On occasion, pizza was a treat but it had sausage and pepperoni on it. I never ate it. Was always the same…..”he” got to choose. I would try to stick up for myself, to no prevail. It most always definitely end up in me loosing, and in tears running to my room…to throw myself on my bed, sobbing like a baby, or writing poems in my journal. I had been to others houses. Their families seemed like “normal” people. Though early on I had discovered that EVERY family had it’s own issues…none were perfect.

As a mother now, and young grandmother, I have realized that those screwed up rules and dinner time chaos didnt and wouldnt have to become part of my family dinner traditions. Over the years I struggled to make sense of it all and form my own family dinner meetings. Tried to bestow some “normalcy”  to our home. Never bringing up the way things were when I was young. I wanted so desperately to have that overall sense of glowing pride that my family was perfect and would gather happily at the table without disagreements and ridiculous arguments!! That was out of the question, and soon I realized it was all but a hopeless dream.

You see, i have come to understand that even though my childhood was horrible, and I carried with me those same fears and terrors. I had the tools I needed to make the changes in my own life and families life. Though not perfect, it wouldnt matter. We still had each other and though our times at the table were at some point stressful and silent…we stilled shared in open love, and honesty. There were no harsh feelings or mockery…no put downs or sense of ganging up on someone. I strive for holidays for it to be picture perfect…wanting to explore this new found sense of playing house and wanting to provide this “Brady Bunch” gathering for them. I call it “Family Tradition”. There is no harm in wanting things to go well…and for EVERYONE to get along. A day with out stress, or drama. Just a family gathering where everyone loved to love…and be loved.

Bottom line is: It is what it is! I cant push my beliefs on others. I can however, make sure that I lead by example, in the hopes that one day…all my four children and all my grandchildren see that I have struggled to provide them all with a sense of UNITY and FAMILY. No matter your past, and your family (although at times its to bad we cant choose who they are) your past doesnt define who you are and can be. You CAN change your past. You DONT have to become like your parents and/or family. You CAN start your own Traditions. The days of thinking that you are going to be like your parents are GONE!!!! The days of breaking the chain has come….let go of those times where you feel like your living in the past and start thinking of fresh new, exciting ways to create your own ideas and make them a reality!!!

RENOVATE YOUR MIND SPACE!!!!