Man or woman, girl or boy. Does it really matter to the pedophile or creep that has tormented the individual? I think not! I do however think that a man has his own feelings of dis-pear. He carries with him his own fears and shame. Unlike that which I believe that a woman does. It affects his life as well in many aspects but never is talked about or discussed. I have heard men that were young boys. and victims. joke even about it later in life. as a way of coping. We cope differently and have our own ways of dealing with the fears that tail behind us. Im not implying that a mans feelings arent worse then a womans, every individuals circumstance is different and to compare the two sexes and the situation would definitely and most horribly be wrong.
Here’s some examples;
A man will most certainly pretend that all is well and NEVER discuss it. In fact he may altogether imply it NEVER happened, denying that which he most certainly was involved with. He may not share for fear of feeling vulnerable and weak. These emotions are bred into young men at early ages and taught to simply push them aside. To feel is weak. To express emotions is weak as well. To cry, bitch, or complain, is weak and the world simply doesnt have enough room in it for “pussy’s” and ” I’ll be damned if Im gonna have a pussy for a son!”
Also- there is the homophobic issue. If he discusses it and feelings were attached to these events does that mean he enjoyed it?
Questions rise as to whether or not he is now Gay or Bi-Sexual. Rest assured…I think not! But, it doesnt mean that the victim although male, doesnt have these thoughts and is extremely paranoid enough without having adding this problem into the mix of things! The opposite sex or female doesnt worry to much about this. Although, I have read and heard, and met some women that have chosen or elected to NEVER be with a man after having been violated.
To add to that, a man might also fear that his peers will reject him or mock him. Leading to lastly, if he feels like opening up to a woman, will that make him also feel vulnerable and shut down unsure of himself and his feelings. Most men know how to process these emotions. The reasoning I believe starts at home.
I wont go all the way into the difference between men and woman and our emotions. I would however, like to remind you that a victim is a victim, is a victim. We come from all walks of life. Ranging in age, race, color, religion, and creed.There are no statues of limitations or boundaries, when a predator chooses his victim. They prey upon the weak ones…singling us out and looking for lost souls. Most times I can sense when Im around a victim, mostly female. I can usually pick them out of a crowd. Men are different. Most men in relationships may or may not want to take it to the next level…frozen with fear….afraid of commitment for fear of opening up, then being rejected. Yes, some women experience this as well…but not to this magnitude.
I have notice though, that men ARE indeed emotional creatures to. Im learning this first hand. They need that reassurance, guidance, and love just like anyone else. They to, feel lost and alone. They walk around with this heavy burden, most isolated…little friends…and fear of rejection. Its so easy to judge someone when you know nothing about them and their past. Im not encouraging that you ask all men. Just saying, that you NEVER know which man has been and still is a victim. They to have a voice, and they to matter. Give them love, and attention. Show them that you care. Let them see that you will be the one that they can and will trust, so that one day, they may open up their soul and let the light in. Encourage them its ok to feel…its ok to process and then learn how to let it go.
Help him to understand and know that being a man doesnt mean you NEVER get to feel, in fact once he learns this, he may in fact feel more of a man then ever, by being able to free himself of those chains that way him down and hold him back from himself. Help him love himself first…so he may be strong enough to fully, entirely…and responsibly love you!
“Nobody has ever killed themselves over a broken arm. But every day, thousands of people kill themselves because of a broken heart. Why? Because emotional pain hurts much worse than physical pain.”
― Oliver Markus, Sex and Crime: Oliver’s Strange Journey