In search of acceptance.
You know what I mean. Going through life wanting to please that someone and looking for the love that you so deserve. Never feeling like you can please anyone or do that good of a job. Always feeling 2nd best or under par. Having a goal to aim for, but never really achieving it. Even if you do, its never acknowledged by that someone that so clearly needs to hear those famous words…”Im proud of you”…”great job”….”I love you”. We all have had that someone in our lives or its us…we ….ourselves.. Its tough. There are great lengths that we go through for that someone to notice us. To see us, to hear us, to make us feel loved, to comfort us, to tell us its gonna be alright, to pull us close and hold us.
As a mother, I know that it was my job to tell my children that I loved them. Even to this day. To set standards and make goals and plans for them to achieve in life. Was it enough? Is it ever enough? At times, I think I may have suffocated them. Pushing my own needs upon them….because I myself was starving for the need of acceptance. Its tough when you go through life feeling that desire and it affects your everyday living. All aspects in every angle, suffering great consequences for this one simple word….acceptance. Its like a drug….constantly feigning for it…and its never good enough…searching and searching for more and more from anyone or anything. In your life at one point, you lacked this compassion. This weighs heavy on ones soul. The desire for acceptance starts with a parent. Then as we go through life we seek it out from siblings, friends, our employers, and eventually our own children. Not that we are “do gooders” always looking to be the attention hog….but somehow lacking this satisfying feeling. It leaves an empty hole in us. It carries with it, a burning desire to be recognized for our simple greatness . It leaves a constant thirst in your soul to be loved…truly loved by the ones you need to hear it, feel it, or know it from. Words are words….and we all know that through actions…they can cancel out any words spoken and truly show how or what you feel. Through expressions we can clearly see what one actually means and no words need be spoken to feel it or see it. So, when you say to someone “i love you….great job!!!” Make sure that you actually show that you mean it. Its isolating to never feel accepted. I think to some degree even a bit of paranoia may become present in the back of your mind your constantly trying to see if you measure up in someones view. But, the bottom line here is…..Why? Why must victims remain victims? Living in the fear that they will NEVER truly feel accepted. As a different breed all on its own. Constantly trying to fit in without speaking that words. Feeling hopelessly and utterly lost. Possibly invisible to those that can not or choose not to see them though we are right here next to or in front of you. We are the fixers, the do- gooders, we are the ones that care the most, tuck our emotions away from the world living in secret fear of rejection. We are the ones trying to fit in, an act as though nothing is wrong. We come off strong and courageous, but feel weak and scared inside…hiding our fears deep inside.
WE are the pleasers that go out of our way to help others achieve greatness at whatever costs even if its our own demise. We tend to take on more then we can chew for fear of failing… but never never complaining, always the first to volunteer to be there for ANYONE no matter what. WE are the ones that will stand up for others rights and be their voice….but sit back and allow others to ignore us and treat us unfairly, or injust. Everyone deserves love. No one person should be left behind. It tough to feel. Just to feel. Unsure of what to feel and when. Consistently questioning your own judgement and being your own worst critic. Fear of how others will perceive you and whether or not you will be accepted. Its all around us…in our everyday lives. However, it starts at home. From the day you were born and on your mothers breast. The love and acceptance you felt, the warmth of her body, the softness of her skin. From that moment in time, you unknowingly sought it out. That bond, that love, that acceptance.
Learn it well….work on it, share it, and talk about it. Show your most precious people in life just how much they mean to you. Silence can be deadly, killing relationships also without being spoken. Take the steps to let those people that you truly love, and respect how much they are cared about. Say the words, show the actions. Never let acceptance divide and conquer in your life, home, or heart.
If your like me…searching it out seems to be part of my life. I come off strong, but know, that through the turmoil I have suffered and the life I had…I NEVER truly felt that love, that warmth, that bond. There is a gift we can give someone. A gift that is silently spoken both to the heart and soul……acceptance.
You may never know who it hurting inside…but to be clear, you may never know. If I could say this…..it doesnt matter. Its never to late to accept yourself or others..never to late to make a wrong a right. You dont have to suffer alone…and you shouldnt. To learn acceptance is to first start with yourself.
Peace & Love
In search of acceptance.