First Steps

Exploring the world through caring thoughts, the freedoms of guilt free emotions, and looking at the world through the eyes of someone elses perspective seeking to enhance and set free your soul by opening your heart and mind


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The GOOD,the BAD, and … The INVISABLE

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” Your to young. ” Your to young to have any issues or problems.” Your way to young to feel like this.”

If your like me, many more times you care to count, you have been shoved to the back burner and ignored. Many different Dr trips, $$$,  and lets not forget the years of feeling like a guinea pig or lab rat! The slew of tests that you have undergone only to be labelled to have the dreaded silent disease….Fibromyalgia!

Its that wonderful silent disease that at first I shrugged it off, in much denial that there was no way that I could have that. I thought it was stupid, and the Dr ignorant for labelling me as such. I honestly thought 10 years ago that I needed a second opinion, then a finally admitted to it with haste, on my 3rd and final attempt to figure out what the hell was going on with me.cant remeberMost days I really thought that I wanted to die from exhaustion and just was desperate to get some from of relief. That came after I sought out a pain specialist, but I soon learned that nobody really knew anything and I was on my own. I felt isolated, abandoned by my PEERS, and Dr’s, and wanted to just give up and throw in the towel.

Since my first diagnosis 10 years ago (which I go by the last one really 8 yrs) I have learned more about myself in this last year alone then with any Dr help. I decided to research on my own, trial and error of course, and I also used Homeopathic treatments at home! I changed my diet, and reminded myself, that even if I didn’t feel well today, tomorrow was another day and I would try again then.

Weather plays a huge role in my health, as does activity, and over excursion. I really have to use a cane some days, and park in the handicap with my placard when I need to. Some days, when the fatigue hits so hard and I’m loosing that battle, I cant do much, sometimes not even dress. Thank God for my loving husband, he helps when I break down and ask for help. I really do try to be self sufficient and not bother many people.

Let me look good poem copy

However, sometimes, I just want to scream and tell people to “STOP judging me, and accept me for who I am!!!”  Or, “just let me not be fake today to spare YOUR feelings”……”I’m sorry it makes YOU uncomfortable that I hurt!!! ” Geesh! The big one for me is….” You look good today….yeah, um, that doesn’t mean I’m cured!!!!” or….” I don’t understand how one day you can deal with it, and the next your down.” Another….” How is it that your fine then boom your down…makes me wonder” All cruel in my book. As if we …..the carriers and victims of this horrible disease….. “CHOOSE” when and where it will strike or how badly. AS if “WE” are lying and playing some sort of sick twisted game to gain attention.

There is so much pressure already mounted there for most of us with debilitating diseases. Our days are so much different than that of most. In some cases, (speaking for myself) I have had to cancel plans or not make any because I have went from Good, Bad, ….to……OMG WHAT THE HELL????? and honestly that can be 2 minutes later and I’m down.

I get stressed out easier due to the pain. Its overwhelming at times, and it sucks to be stuck in your head a lot and not have a way out!!! Brain fog is another for me…..I am an intelligent woman. However, now I question myself. I forget what I was going from one room to the next to retrieve, or memory issues. The compilation of sleepless nights, and fatigued days get strung together sometimes and I forget to be strong and pull it together…..hey, we are only human right. Some days, a heater blanket, another blanket, sweats and heavy socks still don’t help.

Not sure about anyone else out there, but now I’m loosing my hair. The top is becoming rather thin, eyebrows little to now…have to pencil them in, and I have noticed changes in my facial structure. My tummy is sensitive, my sleep is completely  hacked and inconsistent. So much going on, and I hate the fact that I have NO CONTROL over it. It is a creeper……it sneaks up on you without warning like a tiger to its prey and pounces on you out of nowhere!!!! It takes you down quickly and there is no use in fighting, it only makes it worse. Some days, I admit, I succumb to its evil thirst to ruin my life!!! I have learned NOT to feel ashamed or bad for who I am and what’s happening to me. Its not my fault, I have no control. I just decided to take it one day at a time!!!

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   Its become a humbling experience to not be able to use my hands sometimes, not being able to open a cereal box for my grandkids, or a can with an opening, last night, not even a wrapper. Small things I guess we all take for granted. Its also been humbling for me to look at the broader picture…..The way I see it, EVERYONE is dealing with something. I’m not asking for special treatment. I am aware there are worse off people in this world. I guess what I’m saying is…..I know that there are more like me out there. We are NOT alone. Some day we hope to have a cure for this disease and hope that more support groups, and education for this will come around. Its hard enough to have this going on….and in most cases, its not just Fibro that we are dealing with, it is compiled with other issues that can make it worse and drive you to the brink of madness!!!

I ask that you look into it, research it. More and more people are being diagnosed with this nasty thing but there is limited education, experience, and / or knowledge pertaining to the in’s and out’s of the HOW To’s. I am asking that the next time you see a person struggling, stop and ask if they need help, assist them, don’t judge someone for using a handicap that you cant see….that person just may be me. Show your support, show your love for your fellow Fibro’s out there and together we can start to make a difference in the cure so we can live the lives we were ALWAYS meant to be living!!!!

Something Purple fibromyalgia awareness dayLet me see your Purple shine!!!

For all of the Fibro’s out there, and ANYONE who is suffering silently, I wish for you comfort, and relief. I wish that your body and spirit stay strong and that you take comfort in knowing that your not alone out there. Take comfort in knowing that they are trying to bring in more Dr’s, more education nationwide. Take comfort in knowing that you are the boss and ruler of you and your body today and always!!! Advocate for yourself, nobody else will! Take a stand, be strong, and take all the time you need!! Don’t feel foolish doing research and trying new things. If something works for you, listen to your body….you know best…after all it IS YOUR body!!! I hope this helps, I know that today I was having a hard time, but I thought about it, and wanted to bring comfort nd encouragement to those that might not be having a great day either!

Fly high butterflies……fly high!!!

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NEW TO LOOK OLD

 

I’m blown away at the amount of Chabby Chic that’s out there these days. It gorgeous yes. I love it, yes YES!!! However,  I do wonder why people charge so much when there are sites such as PINTREST, or even GOOGLE to answer any of your questions, needs or even desires on “how to’s” As a photographer and hobby blogger, I noticed that people aren’t saying anything…or maybe I’m just not hearing it.

Now, I’m like every other person out there….I wanna shop smart and be thrifty. There is a difference…NOT cheap!!! The way I figure it, if I can make it, I will. Chances are that I can, I usually will look at something and go home and make it better….Wayyyyyy Better!!! Why pay high prices for something when you can spec it to yourself. I fill my Pintrest acct with lots of hacks for women and people that may or may not be on a budget or like me….simply are addicted and loving bargain hunting to make something out of nothing!!! For all the ” Do it yourselfers”, Upcyclers, Recyclers, Homemakers, or just your average JOE…( no pun intended to any JOE”S out there) I say have fun, if you can do it…DO IT!!!

There are ways to make your own Chalk Paint, and craft fairs that wanna charge you ridiculous prices to come for a class. If you wanna do it….do it. Me personally, I wanna take pride in knowing that I customed made something on my own without help. I do take pride in that. I frequent the Thrift Shops, and the Antique stores or malls, and look for the objects that speak out to me to take them home and give them new life….I try to come up with something useful and one of a kind to do or use it for. Most times I do.
I guess that the cool thing…nobody has my things…no copies, mine are all originals!!

I got frustrated when I went to a tore to find out that they take new things and made them look old and sold them at old prices. Lets clear the air here….just because something looks old….doesn’t mean it IS old….and you shouldn’t pay OLD prices!!! I do it all the time. I enjoy working and being crafty when my health allows it and “antiquing ” an object. Its fun….but the reality is, stop paying full price for something you can do on your own!!! We all have skills….we all can do a hobby!!! Get out there and find yours!!!!  Leave your pocket book at home….save your dough, use your cash to buy supplies for yourself and quit giving to those over priced stores!!! Make your one of a kind treasure! You’ll be glad you did!!!

Your worth it!!!

 

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EAT, Drink, and BE WELL my Friends!!!

Cheers!!

G- Parkhurst


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The Stresses of a Womans World

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As a child growing up, I can remember holidays coming and going. The women in the kitchen while the men sat quietly awaiting their feast as the women cackled and talked in the kitchen slaving away. The men’s stomachs rumbling and the kids noisily played racing around the house and screaming at one another about politics or the current game on television.  I can recall the sweat on my grandmothers brow as she barked orders to my aunts and mother on the next much needed item or chore needing to be done.

Sometimes I recall those memories and I think to myself how incredible it was that these women had taken time in their busy schedules to make all this happen. My mother- a hard working woman that was a tom boy in her day until she passed, and could run a chainsaw better then most men, and never stopped working or took a break. She was always busy and believed that if there was light that there was no reason to waste time in a day, it meant “something” could be getting done and NOT to waste that opportunity.

My mother, much like my grandmothers seemed to NEVER take sick. If they were, they sucked it up and never let it get them down, or put on a show of helplessness to attract attention or gain sympathy from others. They kept trudging wearily along and finished their chores and finished their duties that were required of them. They took care of their families, husbands, their children too, then they made dinner and checked homework….cleaning up afterwards. NEVER  not once complaining about their jobs, or what was asked of them,  nor breaking down in tears or emotional distress in front of us at any time ( it was a secret or happened behind locked doors) or complaining they were to sick to “DO” anything.

They ALWAYS made time, even when it felt as though there wasn’t any…they made it happen!!

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Mt Adams

 

 

 

 

grandkids, Mt Adams trip 131

 

Reflections arent always what you see…..sometimes, when your looking you see what you ONLY choose to see. Everything has a form of beauty in it…..look past outward appearances, and find what draws you in. You may be surprised at what you find.


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Jewels on a necklace

Jewels on a necklace
cut differently, you and I
all attached one way or another on a strand,
in life just touching one another briefly,
as we stroll through our lives journeys individually.
– G.Parkhurst

Thought for the day…….
Where does brilliance come from?
The body, or mind?
Heart or soul?
In which direction does it flow?
Lastly, just how bright do you shine to others?

 

It has been some months now that I have unplugged, and for good reason. It has been a bumpy ride, and I have found myself doing more soul searching. These last few months have left me in more emotional anguish, jobless, and in pain then I care to share. However, it has taught me one thing, that being that we are ALL invaluable. Some of us have never tasted the feelings of self worthlessness, some have. In any case, I have to say that no matter who you are, what background you came from, there IS purpose. What that purpose is, Im not entirely sure. Thats what your own journey decides in life. That will be another day. To be honest, I wasnt sure just how many people I have touched, and often wondered, should I stop blogging or sharing all together?? With that said, I will continue to share my thoughts on life, abuse, and emotional baggage as I have done in the past. I will also gladly continue posting my pictures everytime I blog just to  keep you all in high spirits. If you choose not to read my posts Im ok with that…..however, you may find yourself one day thinking back on something that I’ve shared that may have touched you in one way or another…..at least, thats what Im aiming for! Im not looking to become famous, or rich….just to be honest, and share in life journeys what may help someone, somewhere along the line in how to be more loving, positive, and cope more productively instead of just being numb and self destructing or simply on auto pilot going through life feeling no purpose. Im here, always have been…your not alone…never will be. You are loved….and you will always have a friend in me.

I wish for you during this time of seasonal change, the harvesting of a new spirit. Inner sanctum and peace, a place in your soul that you may tap into to get comfortable within your skin, and reclaim you and your life. Health and prosperity, love, and a kindred heart. Live life everyday with no regrets and love entirely, never give up, and dont hold back. Explore your mind, spirit, and soul with all you have….learn to put yourself first.

Until next blogcast…..Be well my lovelies….be well!